Why Couples Break Up
_________________________

If You are in Chicago
Call or Text 312-416-6191
infocouples@gmail.com
All Inquiries and Sessions are Strictly Confidential

On a Cell? Tap to Call: 312-416-6191

Why couples break up? Couples break up for many reasons. Relationship pundits often attribute break ups to money, sex, in-laws, children, and other normal life stresses. But those are not the reasons why couples break up. All those seemingly disparate problems boil down to three underlying reasons.

Top 3 Reasons Why Couples Break Up

The most common reasons couples break up are:

1)      They haven’t learned how to deal with their differences.

During the honeymoon period of a relationship, differences tend to shuffled to the background and similarities prevail. This is the time when the attraction is strongest and the relationship has time to form.  But inevitably this first stage of the relationship doesn’t last. After the honeymoon period, the real relationship sets in.


In a real relationship, we get disappointed, we don’t always get our needs met, we don’t like everything about our partners, and we don’t always agree on important things. When the real relationship sets in, many couples exhibit the following:

a.        They have escalating conflicts

b.      They feel like they made the wrong choice of mate

c.       They blame each other for their problems

d.      They think about breaking up

Usually, this means that couples have not found a way to diffuse conflict, solve problems, accept their differences and continue to be kind and generous, like they were when they first met. Sometimes couples separate or divorce at this stage.


2)      They don’t pay attention to the relationship anymore.

Relationship experts keep saying that a relationship needs “work”. But more than “work” a relationship needs “attention”. Most couples start out highly satisfied and then begin to take each other from granted and stop paying attention to each other. When couples stop paying attention to the relationship,  this  results in

a.       Disconnection: They have grown apart and no longer feel connected

b.      Lack of Touch: They don’t touch each other anymore or as often

c.       Lack of Sex: They don’t have sex or not as often

d.      They don’t do things together

So, as normal stresses of a life together pile up and crowd out the time for romance and intimacy, couples may put less effort into their relationship or they  may let the grievances they hold against one another tear them apart. Some couples divorce or separate because of severe disconnection rather than severe conflict.

These two reasons are the most common reasons couples request appointments with a couple’s counselor and when couples counseling works best.


3) They have difficult time influencing their partner.

Relationships are not easy. A third common reason for a break up is when one member of the couple feels like he/she is doing most of the work of accommodating and changing. There is a perceived lack of balance in the way that accommodation happens or one or both feel like they are not able to influence their partner.


As couples move through time, there is a need to adjust to changed circumstances, changed roles, and  changed life experiences.  If one member of the couple does most of the changing, resentment may set in.


A well trained counselor can help re-balance the expectation for change, manage conflict, deal with differences and repair disconnections to avoid painful break ups or to help break up with dignity.


Couples Counseling can help same sex couples avoid break ups too.

________________________________________________________

In some circumstances, one of the members of the couple loses hope but the other member believes that the relationship can be improved and saved. In those cases, a few sessions of discernment counseling can help.


________________________________________________________

Finding Qualified Help Is Not Easy

Other Reasons Why Couples Break Up

Why Couples Break Up

Other reasons couples break up are more complex.

Couples also break up:

1)      If one or both members of the couple has a history of alcohol abuse or abuses other drugs

2)      If one or both members of the couple has childhood history of trauma

3)      If one or both members of the couple has a mental health disorder or diagnosis.

 

These reasons operate like risk factors affecting couples negatively. Couples who have these risk factors are advised to pay attention to how they navigate their relationship. There is a correlation between individual risk factors and relationship problems. The more risk factors, the more potential for relationship problems. 

Now you know the main reasons why couples break up.

It may take a bit more time, and it may require both individual and couples counseling but with commitment to, and a plan for, change, these relationships can thrive too.


Find out if Couples Counseling can be helpful for your relationship


Top Reasons Why Couples Break up

Couples Counseling Associates in Chicago

Tap to Call:
312-416-6191

© 2017 Couples Counseling Associates


Associates
Click on pictures below for more information


Linda 

Intake Counselor 

Call me or email me now.

I will answer all your questions!

Tap to Call:
312-416-6191 ext. 1

infocouples@gmail.com


Sara Schwarzbaum

sara_schwarzbaum_headshot

Founder, Couples Counseling Associates 

Tap to Call:
312-416-6191 ext. 202

sescounseling@gmail.com


Tap to Call:
312-416-6191 ext. 204

Liz Garvey

liz_garvey_headshot

Associate

Tap to Call:
312-416-6191 ext. 207

lizgcounseling@gmail.com


Rory Koontz

rory_koontz_headshot

Associate

Tap to Call:
312-416-6191

rekcounseling@gmail.com


Linda Lazzara

linda_lazzara_headshot

Associate

Tap to Call:
312-416-6191 ext. 205

Llazzaracounseling@gmail.com



michael_villarreal_headshot

 Michael Villarreal:

michael@semillascounseling.com

773 789-9775