Read on to get marriage advice for newlyweds...that works. This will help to keep your relationship strong!
Almost all newlyweds start out highly satisfied in their relationship. How does it happen that two people so much in love, in the beginning, lose their way?
Good relationships go through highs and lows at
different points in time. Some couples leave the relationship at their lower points
or after the romantic stage wears out.
Others find a way to not only restore their bond, but enhance it, and end up making their relationship even better.
Couples need to develop the knowledge about relationship stages and relationship skills in order to navigate them successfully.
Marrying for love is a recent idea in historical terms; an idea that would have seemed absurd to our ancestors.
When we think about giving marriage advice to newlyweds, we have in mind an egalitarian relationship. We ideally want this egalitarian relationships to work in the long haul in much the same way as it worked in the beginning. We may be asking too much.
Some people have unrealistic expectations about relationships and wrong assumptions about what makes them work.
Love is not static. Like rubber bands that stretch and retreat, love travels in natural cycles of closeness and distance.
We can grow dissatisfied and move apart; then affection returns and we pull together again.
Not aware of this process, some people pull away when the good times end and assume the bad times last forever.
Others misinterpret disappointments as loss of love. They get into bad and rigid habits, and retreat into affairs, or withdraw. They move into struggles of mutual mistreatment. They feel let down. They fantasize about leaving.
These ideas regarding marriage advice for newlyweds are just some of the things couples can do to strengthen their relationship.
1) Check your assumptions and expectations.
Review the above list of unrealistic expectations. Take a few moments to think about them and ask yourself how many of these expectations you have and how realistic they are.
2) Anticipate the downs.
If you can see the ups and downs as a dynamic process, and you can anticipate the downs, you can understand them as part of the life of a relationship and be more forgiving with yourself or with your partner. You will be able to prepare to bear the turmoil and see beyond it.
3) Pay attention.
We often hear that relationships need work. But in truth, relationships need attention more than work. When we stop paying attention to the relationship, distance and disconnection may follow. Anger and conflict is often a reflection of distance, not that there is something wrong with the relationship.
4) Create and Schedule rituals of connection
Creating the relationship that you desire takes awareness and intention. Without care, your connection will slip away. Rituals are acts that you repeat on a regular basis. Rituals are habits that are chosen, created and practiced. Create and schedule both daily rituals and rituals for special occasions. This will solidify the sense of “we-ness”, so important to sustain the ups and downs.
5) Have fun together
The memories of the good times are the antidotes for the normal disappointments that living day in and day out under the same roof with another person bring on.
6) Learn how to discuss relationship issues
Newlyweds sometimes avoid talking about relationship problems because they think this is a sign that there is something wrong with their relationship. Or they get into bad communication habits. Learning to discuss relationship issues in a respectful, honest, and direct way is a skill that can be learned.
To learn more skills for relationship success, download exercises.
7) Learn how to support each other in times of stress
Sometimes couples get off track because they don’t know how to respond effectively to their partners’ struggles with their families, workplace or issues with their friends. Learning to support our partners in times of stress is one of the most important marriage advice for newlyweds. Many couples get in trouble because they don't know how to respond to their partners' distress.
8) If your relationship starts to get off track, don’t ignore it
Some people wait too long to get the help they need to get back on track and may break up unnecessarily. Relationship skills can be learned, expectations can be realigned, and you can learn how to fight better. Seek help as soon as things take a turn for the worse.
Want more marriage advice for newlyweds?
Interview successful couples that you know and respect and may want to emulate, and ask them the following 5 questions:
In our efforts to bring value to your life, or if you are not in the Chicago area, Couples Counseling Associates has developed a series of lessons that could have a major impact on effectively improving your relationship. We encourage you to dive into the series and discover how these resources can benefit you and your partner.
Remember, it's the positive habits we develop that guarantee us success in all areas of our lives. Discover the seven healthy habits that improve relationships or get in touch with us to learn more about Couples Counseling Associates.
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Associated Therapist Giulia Casani MA,LMFT
Kate Engler, LMFT, LPC
All the mental health professionals practicing at 737 N. Michigan Avenue, Suite 2130, Chicago, IL 60611 or any other locations, are individually licensed by the State of Illinois and practice independently and separately. They have no legal relationship to the practices of each other and do not incur in liability for services of one another or to Dr. Sara Schwarzbaum.