Sex Therapy can be helpful to get the conversations going.
Physical intimacy and erotic pleasure are very complex human endeavors.
We all get anxious about sharing our bodies, experimenting with
something new we have never done before, and talking about what we like,
fantasize and prefer.
It is truly amazing how many couples who share so much of their lives together never talk about sex. They don’t tell each other what they like or dislike, they don’t talk about what feels good and what doesn’t.
With the guidance of a trained couples counselor difficult conversation about sex can become easier, more natural and less constrained.
You’d think it would be easier. Though sex talk is a constant presence in our culture, it is rare to see examples of someone discussing sex with the person they are actually having sex wit.
When couples are not tuned in to their sexual needs, unspoken messages are communicated, hurts are never revealed and vulnerabilities are not shared.
Some couples don't have sex because they are angry at each other a lot, or because they feel disconnected. Other couples don't have sex because they never find the right time, or feel relaxed enough.
Sex is important because it energizes the relationship, makes each person feel desired, and serves as buffer against the ups and downs of coupled life.
When couples don't have sex, they may start a cycle of recrimination and hurt feelings that, in turn, turns them off from sex, which fuels more resentment and hurt. This logjam can be difficult to break without the help of a trained couples counselor.
If you are not talking about sex, or if you are not having sex, or feel that your sexual needs are not fully appreciated in your relationship, you could benefit from sessions with a couples counselor focused on sexual issues. Don't wait too long to get the conversations going that could improve your relationship. A well trained couples counselor can also help by prescribing touch exercises to get the ball rolling again.
Sexual encounters are not automatic after the early stage of a
relationship wanes. Don’t ignore sexual discrepancies or sexual frustrations. If your partner does not agree to get help with sex therapy sessions at this time, it may not mean that he/she is not interested in improving your relationship. You can attend alone or with your partner.
It appears that touch deprivation affects mood, the immune system, and general well being. Most research on this topic has been conducted with newborns or the elderly, showing strong associations between lack of touch and alterations in mood. When children and the elderly are not touched, their mood, attitude, and overall well being, may suffer. The same is true for adults. If adults are not touched on a regular basis they can get more irritable. Couples who don’t touch each other for a long time suffer from touch deprivation.
If you are in a bad mood, you may not feel like touching of being touched by your partner. If your partner does something that upsets you, you may not feel like touching or being touched either. You stop getting back into the “sandbox” to play, you get even more irritable, you feel like touching/being touched even less, that makes you or your partner even more upset or irritable. If this sounds all too familiar to you, it’s because you have entered a vicious cycle.
To get help getting out of the vicious cycle, consider attending a few sessions with a trained counselor who can help you get back into the sandbox.
Sex Therapy focused on touch deprivation can help your relationship!
In our efforts to bring value to your life, or if you are not in the Chicago area, Couples Counseling Associates has developed a series of lessons that could have a major impact on effectively improving your relationship. We encourage you to dive into the series and discover how these resources can benefit you and your partner.
Remember, it's the positive habits we develop that guarantee us success in all areas of our lives. Discover the seven healthy habits that improve relationships or get in touch with us to learn more about Couples Counseling Associates.
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Founder, Couples Counseling Associates
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312-416-6191 ext. 205
Also in Arlington Heights
Associated Therapist Giulia Casani MA,LMFT
Kate Engler, LMFT, LPC
All the mental health professionals practicing at 737 N. Michigan Avenue, Suite 2130, Chicago, IL 60611 or any other locations, are individually licensed by the State of Illinois and practice independently and separately. They have no legal relationship to the practices of each other and do not incur in liability for services of one another or to Dr. Sara Schwarzbaum.