The Fighting Fair Assessment:
A Relationship Exercise
What is Fighting Fair?
Do you and your partner have regular disagreements? Do you feel like you don’t “get” each other or end the disagreement without mutual understanding? Take this quick assessment to see how you and your partner tend to fight, and how you can start communicating better and improving your relationship.
Think about how you and another person (your partner, perhaps) handle disagreements. Write down the number that corresponds to how often the statement occurs.
1 = never, 2 = rarely, 3 = sometimes, 4 = often, 5 = very often
- We fight
- We name call
- Things get out of control when we argue — one (or both) of us gets nasty or abusive
- There are bad feelings for a long time afterward
- Past issues from your current relationship come up during disagreements
- There’s frustration even before we deal with problems
- We forget what we’re fighting about but continue to fight
- One of us must win
- We place blame
- Neither of us listens to the other
Up to 20, you probably have created a balance that allows each of you to express yourselves in a positive and constructive way. You have a relationship that is all too rare these days. Cherish what you have and remember to keep right on talking and solving those problems before they get in the way of your growth. Communication like this keeps friendships alive and flowers on your pillow. Romantic passion finds more room in hearts that aren’t full of anger and frustration.
Keep the passion alive. Read our relationship blog for advice and tips.
Change the course of you fights by seeking to understand your partner rather than just defending your position. Understanding is powerful even when you don’t agree. We all feel better and safer when we are understood. The majority of problems don’t even need to be solved…we just want to know that our partner cares enough to listen and understand.
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