Marriage Advice for Newlyweds

Dive into some marriage advice for newlyweds that really works. What do newlyweds need to know to make love last?

Read on to get marriage advice for newlyweds…that works. This will help to keep your relationship strong!

Almost all newlyweds start out highly satisfied in their relationship. How does it happen that two people so much in love, in the beginning, lose their way? Good relationships go through highs and lows at different points in time. Some couples leave the relationship at their lower points or after the romantic stage wears out.

Others find a way to not only restore their bond, but enhance it, and end up making their relationship even better. Couples need to develop the knowledge about relationship stages and relationship skills in order to navigate them successfully.

Unrealistic Expectations?

Marrying for love is a recent idea in historical terms; an idea that would have seemed absurd to our ancestors.

When we think about giving marriage advice to newlyweds, we have in mind an egalitarian relationship. We ideally want this egalitarian relationships to work in the long haul in much the same way as it worked in the beginning. We may be asking too much.

Some people have unrealistic expectations about relationships and wrong assumptions about what makes them work.

  • We want our partner to be our best friend, companion, protector, playmate, and lover.
  • We expect our partner to do exactly what we want, when we want it, and to be happily occupied with other things when we are busy.
  • We expect our partner to enhance us in ways that go beyond who we are, making us feel wiser, more loving, more competent and never inferior.
  • We want to merge with our partner, but we don’t want to be suffocated.
  • We demand our partners to know our needs and communicate them with clarity, even when we are not so clear about what we want ourselves.
  • We expect our partners to put up with our own imperfections and limitations, even as we have a hard time accepting theirs.
  • We want to love our partners and never feel disappointed or let down.

Can Love Last?

Love is not static. Like rubber bands that stretch and retreat, love travels in natural cycles of closeness and distance.

We can grow dissatisfied and move apart; then affection returns and we pull together again.

Not aware of this process, some people pull away when the good times end and assume the bad times last forever.

Others misinterpret disappointments as loss of love. They get into bad and rigid habits, and retreat into affairs, or withdraw. They move into struggles of mutual mistreatment. They feel let down. They fantasize about leaving.

What to Do?

These ideas regarding marriage advice for newlyweds are just some of the things couples can do to strengthen their relationship.

Check your assumptions and expectations

Review the above list of unrealistic expectations. Take a few moments to think about them and ask yourself how many of these expectations you have and how realistic they are.

Anticipate the downs

If you can see the ups and downs as a dynamic process, and you can anticipate the downs, you can understand them as part of the life of a relationship and be more forgiving with yourself or with your partner. You will be able to prepare to bear the turmoil and see beyond it.

Pay attention

We often hear that relationships need work. But in truth, relationships need attention more than work. When we stop paying attention to the relationship, distance and disconnection may follow.  Anger and conflict is often a reflection of distance, not that there is something wrong with the relationship.

Create and Schedule rituals of connection

Creating the relationship that you desire takes awareness and intention. Without care, your connection will slip away. Rituals are acts that you repeat on a regular basis. Rituals are habits that are chosen, created and practiced. Create and schedule both daily rituals and rituals for special occasions. This will solidify the sense of “we-ness”, so important to sustain the ups and downs.

Have fun together

The memories of the good times are the antidotes for the normal disappointments that living day in and day out under the same roof with another person bring on.

Learn how to discuss relationship issues

Newlyweds sometimes avoid talking about relationship problems because they think this is a sign that there is something wrong with their relationship. Or they get into bad communication habits. Learning to discuss relationship issues in a respectful, honest, and direct way is a skill that can be learned.

To learn more skills for relationship success, download these exercises.

Learn how to support each other in times of stress

Sometimes couples get off track because they don’t know how to respond effectively to their partners’ struggles with their families, workplace or issues with their friends.  Learning to support our partners in times of stress is one of the most important marriage advice for newlyweds. Many couples get in trouble because they don’t know how to respond to their partners’ distress.

If your relationship starts to get off track, don’t ignore it

Some people wait too long to get the help they need to get back on track and may break up unnecessarily. Relationship skills can be learned, expectations can be realigned, and you can learn how to fight better. Seek help as soon as things take a turn for the worse.

A few sessions of couples counseling or marriage counseling can show you the way to get back on track.

More Advice?

Want more marriage advice for newlyweds?

Interview successful couples that you know and respect and may want to emulate, and ask them the following 5 questions:

  1. What makes your relationship successful?
  2. How do you navigate the ups and downs of your relationship?
  3. How do you repair after a fight?
  4. How do you forgive?
  5. What advice would you give to newlyweds?

More Resources for You and Your Partner

newlyweds relationship resources

In our efforts to bring value to your life, or if you are not in the Chicago area, Couples Counseling Associates has developed a series of lessons that could have a major impact on effectively improving your relationship. We encourage you to dive into the series and discover how these resources can benefit you and your partner.

Remember, it’s the positive habits we develop that guarantee us success in all areas of our lives. Discover the seven healthy habits that improve relationships or get in touch with us to learn more about Couples Counseling Associates.

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Couples Counseling Associates in Chicago